This is how the story started …
One day, I was having this interesting conversation with this beautiful woman of mine that I will call “Bella” to serve my article’s purpose. It was one of those days when we dig deeper into some topics.
As we were talking, I felt like asking this question: what makes you feel secure in your marriage?
I really asked out of curiosity as she seemed to be pretty happy and secure in her relationship.
Well, I never question my husband’s intentions towards me! She replied with a very confident tone.
[A moment of silence …]
Her words started to bring up so many questions: I mean is that even possible? Can someone really live with somebody and never question his/her intentions? Is that it? How could we possibly reach that level if that even exists.
I had many questions going on in my mind in such a short lapse of time but I tried to keep the conversation going as I wanted more details or maybe answers.
So, “what do you mean by not questioning the intentions? Can you tell me more about that?” I asked.
“I know that me and our kids are always his priorities! She replied and added: He has proven himself on that point! Therefore, I never question his intentions. I know they are always good towards me and our kids.”
Well, at least; her answer brought me some sort of clarification.
What if we talk about intentions? It could be about people’s intentions towards us like in the same case as Bella’s husband towards her; or the other way round when we look at it more from our own pure heart’s intentions.
“What are our intentions?”
“Intentions” : simply defined as an aim, plan; purpose, objective, goal, intent, all falling in the synonyms family according to Google.
What an easy definition, right? Pretty easy except when we start taking it to a relationship’s level and ask ourselves questions like: what drives us? What motivates our comments or actions towards people? What is our aim when we do the things we do to others?
That story drove me to start thinking and questioning my intentions in the way I interact with people or the kind of comments I give.
Unfortunately, my human nature did not prevent me from first noticing and picking up some of the comments that I’ve been hearing in my life and I was like:
“Yeah[…], actually what was this person’s intent? Was this comment trying to build me up or destroy me even more? Was this comment for my good, or his/her own ego?”
Sometimes, it’s not even about destroying the other person per say; but it is really, I mean really far from adding value to the other person’s life neither.
Ok; What if we name a few common comments we’ve heard? :
“Wow, you’re so fat! What happened to you? Were you depressed? Oh, you’re so tiny now; are you even eating? Are you sure you have enough money to take care of yourself? Look at your hair; girl; are you ok?
Bro, you’re starting to go bald; too bad for you. What are those gray hair! Have you been through hard times recently? Are you growing old already at your young age? You’re too short; you’re too tall; and the list goes on…
To some people, these are sometimes called “jokes.” To others, maybe they call it “being real.” I mean because they are simply telling you what they see, no?
To the receiver, this is in most cases, really “a bad comment”. Bad comment because unless it was shared to the receiver to help him/her improve his/her condition, then what was the real purpose?
Hard to tell, right?
At the end of the day, we might not be able to tell people’s intentions towards us BUT we can consider our own intentions towards them.
I may have not said those kinds of comments I listed above but I’ve surely, at some point in my life, made a comment/advice/criticism without questioning or at least taking into consideration if that could even be beneficial to the receiver.
Today, I can realize that I was wrong.
Wrong to be careless enough to not think about the other person, no matter how those words sounded good to me.
Were those words more discouraging or uplifting?
Could it be possible that there might be things that we would say differently if we were to identify our real heart’s motives first?
Or maybe let me say it differently: are there even things that are useless to say if we would scan them through our personal “intentions mirror.”
Hum, Just sharing a thought […]
What are our intentions?
P-S: Thank you for reading – Till next time…
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